a jumble of thoughts.

i've sat down to blog about a dozen times in the last two months and it's like i have a billion things to say, but for some reason, i can't get the words formulated into sentences without completely boring myself to death. i've never seen myself as a creative person, but i feel like i'm losing what creativity i did have and i'm at a loss on how to get it back. i used to scan pinterest for hours, looking for all things diy and now all i look for is food. i feel like i can be creative sometimes when it comes to my food blog, but as far as making things for myself to like i used to, it's basically non-existent. i just want to make pretty things for my house, gosh dang it! i realized that back in the day, when i was writing on this blog consistently, i was also making some kind of craft like every other day. it sounds weird, but i'm wondering if the two things go hand it hand. i've heard that if you want to become like a legit writer, then you must write every day, not matter how long or short, meaningful or pointless. maybe that's the same with me and writing on this blog. so im going to try to up my crafting game and see what it can do for the ol' brain. my first attempt was last night when i decided on a whim to make addi a new crib sheet.

when i started piecing together her nursery, i was bound and determined that it was going to be gray and white with a soft, light pink touch to it. that sounded awesome until i found that the cheapest gray rocking chair in like the whole wide world, was no less than $600. umm, no thank you. so i settled for a $200 dark brown recliner and themed the nursery around that. where that recliner is super comfy and pretty much perfect - it's still brown. which means i settled. i hate settling. so, i've talked zach into letting me revamp the nursery in the near future and making it exactly how i want it to be! i bought some fabric last night and went to town.

i'm pretty much in love with it and want to make like, 10 more. i found the tutorial on how to do it from danamadeit.com. I'm pretty sure you need to visit that place right now. it's a wonderland. and you should make like, 10 of these too. if not for you, then for someone you know. or for me. that's fine too.

along with not feeling creative, i know that the only thing i would ever write about is addi. which isn't bad, but i keep thinking that there are only so many posts about addi that i can write before this blog gets a tad bit redundant and boring. then i realized how stupid that sounds. you learn quick as a mom that you seriously eat, drink, and sleep baby mode. if she's sleeping, i'm checking the clock to see how long she has been down. if she's asleep for too long though, then i'm peeking through the crack in the door because i'm almost positive that she has passed out in her sleep or something, which in turn actually wakes her up. then i'm torn with the emotions of 'dang it, i should have let her keep sleeping!' and 'thank heavens, she's okay!'. when she is awake, i'm making sure she is entertained so that she doesn't become dumb like all the parenting books tell you will happen if you don't spend enough time interacting with your kid or i'm thinking about when the next time she needs to take a nap, or the last time she ate, or worrying about why she hasn't rolled from her back to her belly yet and don't even get me started on crawling. she's only 7 months old, but she hasn't even started trying to crawl, which makes me envision taking care of this full-grown adult that doesn't know how to walk and can barely sit up. yeah. all of that runs through my head. every day. being a mom gives you a crazy, busy mind. so, sue me if this blog ends up turning out to be more about the little miss and a lot less of the mr. and the mrs. someday, i'll have my brain back and will be able to form two thoughts that don't have to do with my kid. but, today is not that day. and i'm completely okay with it. 

i recently read this article actually and i thought it summed up my current feelings on motherhood pretty dang well. sometimes it's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel where you don't have puke on your shirt, or you don't have to fight your child every time they take a nap or you don't have to carefully plan out getting ready for the day so that you can shower and blow dry your hair without the baby around because she screams every time you turn the blow dryer on, or when you can leave home by yourself for longer than three hours. who knows when that won't be my life anymore, but as for right now, i'm trying to soak it in because one day my baby won't need me, and only me. she will have someone else to complete her just like zach completes me now. and that makes my heart hurt already. 

at the beginning of the year, i opened up an email account in addi's name and i have been sending her a picture or herself every day, along with what we did that day. sometimes, i write her letters and just tell her how i'm feeling or thinking and little bits of information that i think she needs to know. i haven't decided if i'm going to tell her about it before i give her the password to it, but either way, i'm excited for all the memories it will keep for us. i look at her hands and feet and they still look so small. i know it's ridiculous, but i've honestly wondered if her feet have grown at all since she was born, because they still look so tiny! then we took some friends some dinner last week. they just had a baby and holy toledo. addi looked like a giant compared to their baby! you may think that sounds stupid. like, duh, sarah. what do you expect from a seven month old? they can't stay little forever! yes. i know that. but when you see them every day, you don't realize how big they truly are. my baby is literally growing right before my eyes and i wish time would just slow the heck down so i can soak up every little moment and memory. i'm really hoping that this whole e-mail thing will help preserve as many memories as possible. after all, i'm only going to be a first time mom once!

anyway. long story short, i'm feeling kind of nostalgic tonight and i'm missing this space here on the internet that was once my spot to write everything down and share every little thing. maybe it's because we are finally settling down a little bit, so we don't get out and explore as much, so i don't feel like i have much to talk about? i don't know. if that's the case though, then it looks like we need to do some adventuring to keep our life not so boring! oh, summer time. you can't come fast enough. until next time, friends!

-the mrs.