i have always thought that with baby number two on the way, i would feel super sentimental about the actuality of addi no longer being my baby. don't get me wrong, i feel it to an extent, but not as raw as i expected it to be. which is funny, because last summer i felt completely different. i got a positive pregnancy test in june after we had been trying to get pregnant for several months and i was so stoked about it. but there was also a side of me that was surprisingly sad as i watched addi for those first few days. as far as i knew, our alone time together was ticking and i found myself anxious and nervous to add another baby to our family. would she feel replaced in any way? would she miss our days together, just the two of us? would she resent this baby? was i capable of taking care of two tiny humans when sometimes it felt like i was drowning with only one that was even semi-independent, compared to a newborn? i worried and stressed, but after a few days, that positive indicator slowly faded until i ended up with a blank pregnancy test in my hand. we believe it was a chemical pregnancy and i remember being so bummed about it, but a different part of me felt a little bit relieved. which, in turn, made me even more sad. i knew i wanted this to happen, so why these feelings?
as i sit here with this baby boy in my belly that is due in less than two weeks, i can't help but feel pure excitement still, just like i did the day i found out i was pregnant with him. which i know is normal with a new baby, right? but i have also heard a lot of moms talk about the worry and anxiety that comes with baby number two. mostly for the reasons that i felt back in june. i feel total peace in knowing this boy is coming at the right time in our life. do i worry about the logistics of juggling two babies instead of one? yes. but i think that is totally normal too.
it is also common for people to say that they can't imagine there being enough love to go around between their current child and their new baby. i have to admit that i haven't really felt this. maybe in the beginning, but i already feel a special bond with this boy and already love him just as much as i love addi. i am excited to get to know him and can't wait to meet him!
as of now, i am hoping to go into labor naturally, but have thrown around the idea of being induced, since there is family coming into town and i tested positive for group b strep. any prayers that it happens naturally and uneventfully would be greatly appreciated!! <3