sometimes, you just need to breathe.

i feel a little freaked out right now. and what do i do when i freak out? nothing. i do nothing. that's why you find me here blogging, instead of deep cleaning the shiz out of my house like a good wife should. i wish being overwhelmed motivated me to get things done, but for some odd reason it does just the opposite - makes me want to crawl in a hole and do absolutely nothing.

we are officially out of here on tuesday. as in 6 days. i can hardly believe it either. due to some miscommunication and mishandling of paperwork, we'd been planning on having an extra week or so after graduation before we could leave. we figured that gave us all the time in the world to get things cleaned and packed up. then the mr. got an e-mail today telling him that things were sorted out and the movers will be here on monday. that was a rush. i immediately called the housing office at f.e. warren afb and apparently the 30-60 day wait to get a house on base is actually a 6-12 month wait. so here i sit now with a house that needs cleaning, living space that needs finding, and a gut with butterflies the size of the moon.

you'd think that after three moves this past year, i'd be used to it all by now. the waiting, the packing, the driving, the settling. that's what you'd think. but, i'm not. i've found myself worrying a lot. worrying that i won't find a job in cheyenne. worrying that we won't make friends - good friends. worrying that the ward won't be as welcoming as the one here. and mostly, the one thing that i try my best to push into the back of my mind - worrying about the nights ahead that are going to be spent alone. the mr.'s job will require him to be away for about 8 nights a month on average. now, before you get all judgey on me and think i'm a wimp and tell me how your husband goes on business trips for months at a time or is currently deployed somewhere, please stop. i feel for you. i really do. but just because my problems seem small in comparison to yours, doesn't make them any less big to me.

i'm not one that likes to be by myself. i never have been. all growing up, my best friend and i were practically attached at the hip. {you think i'm kidding, but i'm not.} something in me loathes being alone. put that with nighttime and you've got a mix of awful. it's not like i have a choice though, really. no matter how bad i want zachary to be home every night of my life, it's not going to happen. but, i do know that God will take care of us, so i'm not sure why i worry and get nervous and freak out. i guess that's just the 'natural man' in me that we are all trying to overcome. sometimes i just need a long, deep breath before i can push on and know that it's all going to be okay. here's to having more faith and in choosing to be happy, even in trying times.

-the mrs.